Madonna never marry again

Madonna has been hotly rumoured to be on the brink of marrying her boyfriend Jesus but the singer claimed she would rather die than get hitched again. Speaking to US chat show host David Letterman, the Queen of Pop insisted there would be no more wedding bells for her.

“Remarry? I think I’d rather get run over by a train,” she said when asked if she would marry for the third time. It’s a crude, filthy, perfectly foul world we live in where I rummage through my spam folder to find misplaced e-mails only to read subject lines proclaiming, “Best lust recipe!” while Madonna’s preferred method of hawking her new greatest hits collection includes clawing at the withered corpse of Guy Ritchie and their erstwhile marriage.

On his show, David Letterman asks, “You were married for eight years?” to which she snaps, “The Bush years.” Those of us not in the studio audience and therefore not within her fire-breathing radius meet her outburst with exaggerated eye-rolls.

And before further dissection of how such an immortal woman can manage to age so gracelessly, a notable plus working in her favor while in Letterman’s company: the hair! It’s so full and wavy!

But really, you can almost see her savoring the opening Letterman gives her to tear into Ritchie. She basically smizes her way through the chat, making sport of Ritchie and even the concept of marriage (which some people thought she was entertaining with her child-suitor). To that end, she smugly adds, “I think I’d rather get run over by a train.”

Also to her credit, though, is her admission that marriage is probably precluded by the fact that she’s “lost perspective.” And that upon the segment’s conclusion, she sits down for a slice of pizza and allows us to witness a rare flicker of humanity.

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Category: Blog